About Crystal Meth

Question by Eduardo: Ex drug User with High Anxiety, Confusion Of Sexual Orientation, and prone to Isolation. What can I do?help me?
I’m a 24 year old male and I’m going through a couple things I need input on. When I was 8 my mother passed away with my infant brother in a car accident that I was also in and survived, and i feel that trauma may have been a contributing factor to my confusion because of the lack of my mothers love and having that guideline of what qualities I would want in my future spouse. From there, sexuality was not an issue yet. Aside from flashbacks and slight depression and going down the road to acceptance that my mother was gone forever, I was still able to continue with life. Around 6th grade my private school class received a very flamboyant kid who was obviously going to grow to become homosexual. As kids this never clicked with us and we found his personality interesting to the point that I said things like him or copied a mannerism or two because it was so interesting (til i went home with that and got smacked and yelled at by my father.) From there I knew what “gay” was and I knew it was “bad” and I was not one of them. Around eighth grade there was a crossroads. I was finding girls attractive and i was curious about having sex but also had a curiosity of other guys feet. I’m assuming since i liked karate and stuff and flat feet i wanted to see others to compare, so that might be where it stemmed from. When I played video games with karate dressed characters using there feet to inflict damage on opponents it aroused me. Nothing sexual where I wanted to see them naked or anything. Just the dominance of it turned me on. The fact the were using their feet to dominate the fight just did something to me and at times i would pleasure myself to that and this was around puberty. Straight Porn turned me on equally as well. That interest was always lingering but never to a compelling point that it consumed me and I became engulfed in that fascination. I did have a girlfriend around this time and did mess around would get turned on by her. I dropped out of High school in my third year and I was smoking pot heavily but never experienced anxiety or doubt in myself as a person and was still able to be around people. As years progressed I dabbled with with other drugs. From 2007-2009 I was consistently smoking weed and also started picking up coke on occasion and drinking socially. Still no anxiety and still knew who I was. Still was with my girl and sexually active. Around 2010 is when the Ecstasy era happened and I spent that year using that drug and becoming dependent on it to feel good. When I tried to kick it I experienced fits of rage and depression. I went cold turkey for a few months then I found Crystal Meth. This drug is I feel took away my confidence and sense of self. Like it took my soul. My girl left me because of my usage. It gave me a feeling i can only describe as being a super you. At work I’d smoke, at home I smoked and I peeked on this drug few moths later, having lost twenty pounds and having weeks where I would not sleep for 4-5 whole days. I really started losing myself going crazy throwing fits and raging, breaking things and yelling at people from time to time. It turned me out and I became a different person. Paranoid of everyone and everything. Always alert and delusional. I freaked everyone out, looking like an obvious tweeker. Out of desperation for the need human contact from anyone I went out committed my first homosexual act. From feet to just full on being with a man happened in a split second and it felt so wrong to me. The Guilt after the act was committed was immense and came with a great deal of shame. I got a clean but never regained myself. I feel like a monster. I’m scared of being around people. I’m worried of how I act so much that its obvious and I project it on people. Being around men I feel nervous cause I feel shame for what I’ve done and also cause of slight attractions at times. I know at the very least I’m bi-sexual but I can’t help it. Do I want to spend my life with a man, no. Do I want to be with women yes. I’m on the fence whether I’m this or I’m that and I’m sick of it. I know being with a man holds no promise for ME at least. No future. But there are times where I am aroused by men too. I hate it, but that feeling is there and it will not go away and I don’t want it to take over. I love woman too, but lately since my character is now really outside of the norm, most girls won’t give me the time of day. I get angry at times for that callousness but i don’t want to turn to men even though at times its seems easy. I need an outside perspective. What Am I? I Isolate myself because people ridicule me for acting weird and nervous. I care too much what people think its sickening. Am I sick?! I don’t want to be this way. I can’t keep my composure and crack in public. Nerves are real bad. Eye contact is so hard to make with anyone like they can see inside my mind. Speaking clearly is

Best answer:

Answer by ryeguy
I suspect that much of what our society excepts as true is wrong. My guess is that you are caught in the crossfire of one of the big ones. Sexual orientation, is there anything our society is more uptight about? Straight is the only OK option, gay is accepted but demonized but bisexual? You want to make a room full of people nervous bring up the topic of bisexual.

What if there is no such thing as mono polar sexual orientation. What if we are by nature simply sexual. What if no one is truly straight or gay. Sure some people have a stronger tendency to be more one way or the other but no one is absolutely one way or the other.

If this is true and if you are living in a society that is all uptight, in denial about the fact that we are all bisexual how would this effect you? Maybe you are taking in all the stress and negative energy our society creates about this.

Your Dad meant well but he was wrong. Accept who you are, you are normal, the issue is that you are not in denial about it like most people. Do however get away from the drugs. Drugs in moderation maybe is not so harmful but it looks like you are well past that and need to stay clean.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

Crystal Meth Facts: We Are Never Using Meth Again-A Parody

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